Game plan

Little Johnny told his mother that he had been playing postman. "Postman? How could you do that when you had no letters?"
"Oh, I had some letters," replied Johnny. "I was looking in your closet up in your room and I found a packet of letters tied up with a ribbon, and I posted one under every door on`A0the street."

Roman lessons

One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on`A0organising his final report for the year. "Why don’t you`A0use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another`A0friend suggested.
"I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard`A0doesn’t have Roman numerals on it."

Good news

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.
Him: "I’m sorry dear but I’m up to my neck in work today."
Her: "But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you."
Him: "OK darling, but as I’ve got no time now, just give me the good news."
Her: "Well, the air bag works".

Try, try, try

A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique. "The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote," he advised.
"If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it. Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat. It’s the only way to get results."
"Yes, sir," the employee answered.
"And now, what was it you came in to see me about?" the boss asked. The employee replied, "A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise!"

Tasty tea

One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. He was sitting in living room engrossed in the evening news when their one-and-a-half-year-old son brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, in his toy cup which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing.’
Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Compliment

Wife: (standing in front of mirror) I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty.
Will you still give me compliment?
Husband: Your eyesight is still excellent though!

Missing wives

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, fair with black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

Heavenly punished

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. ''Why?'' he asks. St. Paul replies, ''You killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy.
The third ugly guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.''
He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?'' ''Because she killed a bird with a stone.''

Wife

Wife: Do u know the meaning of WIFE? With Idiot For Ever !!!
Husband: No, It means: Without Information Fighting Everytime.

Son-in-Law

Lady: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter!

Lovers

Two Lovers plan to Suicide.

Boy jumped first;

Girl closed her eyes, and returns back saying Love is Blind.

The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies.

English

Laloo decides to learn English and learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes.
He replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:
I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.

Difference

Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?
Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!

Bus

In New Delhi, Blue-line buses are notorious for doing accidents.
Today a Blue-line bus driver saved 2 lives.
HowZ that possible?........
He did not go to job today.

Complaint

Laloo calls the Help Desk to complain a problem.
Laloo: When I type password, it just shows stars.
Help Desk: Those stars are to protect you, so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password.
Laloo: Yeah, but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.